My Head Told My Heart
by Evil Beware We Have Waffles
Summary: Kurt was going to go to New York at some point, really, it was obvious. Blaine just didn't know he had to be alone for it to happen. Rating is a heavy T, and will become an M in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Title: My Heart Told My Head (1/3)  
>Rating: T-M. Rating will become an M.<br>Word Count: 3, 627  
>Spoilers: Up to date.<br>Summary: Kurt was going to go to New York at some point, really, it was obvious. Blaine just didn't know he had to be alone for it to happen.

* * *

><p>Blaine's senior year was nothing like it was supposed to be. Magic is what he had made Kurt's, but complete hell and loneliness is what Blaine Anderson's turned out to be.<p>

* * *

><p>"This is something that was bound to happen, Blaine. Don't you dare look at me like you weren't expecting this," Kurt says in a horrible snappish tone, and Blaine doesn't know why Kurt sounded so upset, he wasn't the one who just got dumped in a smelly garage, two days before his boyfriend – ex-boyfriend – goes off to college, leaving you completely alone and in desperate need of friends.<p>

"I-I didn't!" Blaine protests, "I figured that since we were together this summer we would figure something out—"

"Don't be so naive," Kurt says in a harsh but somehow soft tone, but the words still pierce through like ice. "I'm going to New York, I need new things; to start off fresh in a completely new city. I don't need to be worrying about then ext time I'm going to get to see you, or talk to you. We need to cut this off before it goes too far."

"No we don't," Blaine whispers, "We don't need to cut this off, we can do this. Us, of all people would be able to handle a long distance relationship. Talk on the phone at the end of the day, Skype on the weekends. Maybe sometimes I can fly down!"

"It's _done_, Blaine," Kurt snaps, his eyes cool and firm. "We are _done_, okay? Done."

_Done_.

Blaine spins on his heels and runs out of the Hummel's garage before Kurt can even see a resemblance of a tear.

* * *

><p>There's an end of the summer and a goodbye party for the Glee club at Puck's. Tina texts Blaine and invites him, but Blaine kindly declines. He would rather not go to a party to celebrate that everyone he knows and loves is going away.<p>

Besides, it's done, isn't it?

* * *

><p>The only other time when Blaine had felt this alone was shortly after he came out at his old public school. His friends had started to avoid him until eventually they had all stopped talking to him all together, leaving Blaine isolated – alone. It had been years since Blaine had felt like that. But now, he feels more alone than ever before. Kurt was gone, Rachel was with him, Finn was off to school, Rory was back in Ireland. Everyone Blaine was even remotely close with was hours away, and Blaine doubted that Rachel or Finn would talk with him now that he and Kurt were broken up.<p>

Blaine usually isn't one to cry much either. He was taught at a young age that tears were a sign of weakness, only to be used in horrible situations, or if you were a woman. Lately, Blaine had been crying a lot, late at night, curling into the bed sheets that still smelt of lavender and mints. It was just one last thing to hold onto late at night.

The first day back at school was long. Blaine walked through the halls like a zombie, meeting all his new teachers and collecting notes by himself. He barely recognizes anyone, and no one even bothers to talk to him.

He's at his locker at the end of the day, putting his books in his locker when someone finally comes up to him. Blaine looks up to find Tina looking at him with a bright smile.

"Hi," Blaien says quickly, closing his locker.

"Why aren't you in the choir room?" Tina asks, pulling Blaine closer to her by the fabric of his shirt, and beginning to walk down the hallway. "Everyone is there – Artie set up some computers for us, and we're on Skype with Mike, Rachel, Finn and—" _Fuck._ "—Kurt, come on!"

"Tina, I don't think—" Blaine tries to protest, but Tina is shushing him and pulling him into the choir room.

In the room there's a laptop hooked up to a projector, and Mike Finn Rachel and Kurt… are all on the screen, each of them in their own little box, excluding Kurt and Rachel, of course.

But, _fuck_, Kurt looks good. In reality, the last time Blaine saw Kurt was only a few weeks ago, but for Blaine who used to see him everyday, it feels like a long time. Kurt's wearing the usual Kurt attire, and he's gotten a haircut, Blaine can tell.

"Blaine," Mr. Schuester says in a happy voice. "Nice to see you again, your summer was … good?"

Really? Could he seriously be that stupid? Blaine thinks, Before saying it was fine, and moving to sit at the back, sadly still in view of the camera, but far enough away from the projector that he was comfortable.

"Dude, what did you do to your hair?" he hears Mike through the speakers, and Blaine's hand runs through his hair, and he shrugs.

"Ran out of time this morning, I guess," he mumbles.

The conversation goes on, and they each talk about how their frosh week is going, and the stuff they miss from Lima. Blaine sits quietly in the back, trying not to react when Rachel talks about what she and Kurt have been doing.

"Want to say hi to Kurt, Blaine?" Tina asks softly from the front of the room, and Blaine looks from her to the screen, meeting Kurt's eyes, who seem to be holding something. Blaine recognizes it as hope, and something vile runs through Blaine, and he only wants to completely shatter what's in Kurt's eyes.

"Why are we even bothering to do this?" Blaine hears himself say. "You guys realize that they're gone at school, right? If we miss them, do this on your own fucking time, don't drag other people into it."

"Watch your language, Blaine," Mr. Schue says quickly, sadness and worry running across his face.

"Besides, it's all done, isn't it?" Blaine says, standing up, and his eyes lock onto Kurt's. A small smile curves onto his mouth when he realizes that _yes_, the hope is gone, "Why should we even try if it's _done_?"

There's a silence, and no one says anything, so Blaine just leaves, he hauls his back over his shoulder and walks quietly out of the room. Faintly from behind hi, he hears the disconnect of the Skype, but then he's running out the door.

* * *

><p>Blaine doesn't go back to glee, no one comes and asks for him to come anyway. He goes through the days slowly, sometimes quickly depending on his mood. He knows this is ridiculous, that the world isn't <em>over<em>, Kurt's just gone, and they're not speaking, or even together, but the world is _not_ over.

He tries not to be so upset over it, because it is an overreaction; he needs to move on, he's quite certain that Kurt would have already. But somehow it's still so hard to. Somehow whenever Blaine says to himself, "I'll be okay today, today everything will be perfectly fine," something horrible happens. Like this day, one day he goes to bed, curling up in the sheets so he can stay warm, and then he realizes – they don't smell like him anymore. The faint lavender and mint that had embedded its way into Blaine's sheets isn't there anymore. Instead it's replaced with Blaine's musky scent that just smells plain, and old, with a hint of his shampoo from his annual nightly shower.

It's when this all happens that Blaine realizes, it truly is over. When he jumps out of his bed and over to his dresser, digging out an old "William McKinley" gym t-shirt that _he_ had left here after one of their _many_ sleepovers, and that Blaine will shamefully admit he's worn once or twice to bed in these recent weeks. When Blaine brings the old shirt up to his face, breathing in the material, it doesn't smell like it's supposed to. It smells like Blaine's own laundry detergent.

They say that someone can't just get up and walk out of someone's life. Well, Blaine can prove that theory wrong. Kurt Hummel had literally walked out of his life, and Blaine had been running away from him ever since. Nothing is the same, Kurt is gone, he's in New York probably surrounded by hundreds of other openly gay men, who would probably think Kurt was amazing – because he _is_. And Blaine is still here in stupid Lima, Ohio. He's the only gay kid in the school now, and he's so fucking lonely it's physically paining.

But he supposes that's the price you get for being in love.

* * *

><p>It's the beginning of October when Blaine finds the fake ID that Sebastian Smythe had gotten for him almost a year previous.<p>

The next thing Blaine knows, he's walking into Scandal's with a pair of tight jeans, and a tank top with a button up short sleeve shirt on. He's looking around the place, and lets out a long sigh. Maybe here is somewhere he could fit in.

"Blaine Anderson," drawls out a voice, "What a pleasant surprise," Blaine turns around to find Sebastian Smythe of all people standing in front of him. There's a beer in his hand, and Blaine doubts it's his first.

"Hi!" Blaine says, a bit too shocked, "How are you … doing?"

"Quite fine. And yourself?" Sebastian says smoothly, taking a step forwards and – _holy shit_, this guy really hasn't changed in the past year.

"I'm fine," Blaine recites, not moving even though Sebastian is actually _really_ close right now. But Blaine is single, he doesn't _have_ to worry about being too close to another boy now, because he is _single_. He's free, and in a fucking gay bar of all places, with a good looking boy in front of him – and that's another thing he can finally say now that he's _free_. Sebastian Smythe is fucking _hot _and _experienced_.

"Where's your boyfriend?" he hears Sebastian say, feeling a warm hand press against his hip.

"H-he's in New York… not being my boyfriend," Blaine manages to say just loud enough so he knows Sebastian could hear him. But they're really close right now, and he can taste Sebastian's breath on his tongue, and the room is starting to feel hot and the air smells thick.

"Well Blaine…" Sebastian hums, leaning closer to his mouth is pressed up against Blaine's ear. "How 'bout I buy you a drink?"

Blaine shivers and leans forward so his ear is pressed up against Sebastians mouth. "I—yes… okay."

Two and a half beers later, Blaine finds himself in the back of Sebastian's car, pressed up into the fabric of the seat, and Sebastian's mouth plastered hot and wet over his own. Their tongues twisting together, making the heat begin to pool in Blaine's stomach.

When Sebastian breaks away from Blaine's mouth, to start to kiss down his neck, sucking a the hallow of his throat is when everything kicks in gear. This is the first person he's kissed since Kurt. This is the second _male_ he's ever kissed, and _fuck_ is Sebastian good at this. It's so different than it was with Kurt; it's so much more demanding and _warm_. With Kurt, if Blaine ever wanted to take over, he could, but with Sebastian, Blaine feels it's Sebastian in charge of that, and he's somehow _okay_ with being taken advantage of right now.

"Fuck!" Blaine hisses as he feels a hand press up against his hard-on through the material of his jeans, immediately pressing up into Sebastian's hand.

"Do you want me, Blaine?" Sebastian whispers, "Want me to touch you?"

Blaine swallows, still pressing up into his hand and whimpering. So if it feels good, he wants it, right? So Blaine nods, whispering, "Yes," and allowing Sebastian Smythe to take what Kurt had always said belonged to him.

Blaine thinks he may be having a panic attack, but he's too drunk to know for sure. He's back in his own car, after he and Sebastian had exchanged handjobs of the other boy's car. It had felt good, to have another warm hand and another mouth to moan into. But there wasn't any feeling other than complete lust and desire. Blaine misses the snuggling after sex and the quiet, "I love you's". He wants to be loved, not fucked.

Before he even notices it, Blaine's hands are reaching into his bag, and he's pulling out his phone to search through his contacts. He selects Kurt's name, and waits for it to pick up. In the back of his head, Blaine can almost hear Santana's, "You still haven't deleted his number off your phone?"

The answering machine picks up and Blaine let's out a long sigh before he hears a beep.

"Shit," he whispers, fumbling slightly, before realizing that there's no use in hanging up, and he should just leave a message. He's already gone too far. "Kurt, hi, it's – it's me, Blaine. I…I honestly don't know why I'm calling, I-I'm a little drunk. I'm sorry," Blaine closes his eyes leaning back in his seat. "I miss you," he whispers, "I know you probably don't miss me, and you're probably having an awesome time in New York with better more experienced homosexuals than myself. But … I'm still in Lima, and I'm here surrounded by all these memories of you. Everything reminds me of you," Blaine whispers, his voice thick with tears. "Everything. Fuck – I love you! I'm so sorry, but I still love you and I still need you, but—but you didn't want me. It was done." There's a long pause. "I'll … I'll go now. I'm sorry for calling so late … bye, Kurt."

Blaine lies down in the back of his car. He shouldn't drive, and he has no one to give him a lift. The only logical reasoning he could come up with was staying there for the night. He closes his eyes and let's the tears come, loud sobs wracking his body. He's such a failure. He can't even get over the one boyfriend he's had. He's all alone in this world and he's a failure. Blaine manages to fall asleep an hour, all alone in his car.

* * *

><p>When Blaine wakes up the next morning his back is stiff, and he's cold. Probably sleeping in the car wasn't the best idea, because he's cold, he's achy, and his head fucking hurts, and he has to roll down the window as fast as he can so he can vomit on the pavement. He's never drinking again, he's never getting in a car thinking anything like this was a good idea, and he's definitely not exchanging handjobs in the back of someone's car. He's just thankful it was Sebastian, and not some random 30 year old freak who would still be in the closet and possibly living with his mother.<p>

Blaine lays in his car for another good half an hour, before he thinks he'll be able to sit upright long enough to be able to get home. He praises the lord it's a Saturday and his parents are probably already gone for work, so they wouldn't come home until Blaine was probably feeling better, he didn't want to have to argue with his family with what he was doing late at night. Lying and saying he was at a friend's house was much more easier for him to do.

By the time Blaine's back inside his house, puking into his own bathroom toilet is when he remembers that _stupid fucking message_ he left on Kurt's answering machine, and suddenly he's thankful for the massive hangover he has, because maybe it'll knock some sense into his _stupid_ head of his.

It would be _much_ easier to just try and move on. Feeling upset about the whole thing all the time, and doing nothing about it wasn't helping him. This wasn't what getting over someone was supposed to be. Honestly, Kurt was _just another boy_, and wasn't it always his father who said that "high school things don't ever last". Look at the Glee club; Finn and Rachel had decided to be friends until they were done school to avoid any mistakes the two of them were bound to make, he and Kurt had broken up, Quinn was still single, as was Sam. The only people Blaine could think of who were still together were Santana and Brittany, but Blaine knew for a fact that Santana was taking classes here in Ohio, and Brittany had gone out of state…. But Tina and Mike, they had been together for _two years_ now. They were the solid couple.

Maybe he and Kurt just weren't soulmates like he supposed Mike and Tina were. Maybe Blaine had made the whole thing up in his head, Kurt was a good friend, he was a fantastic boyfriend, and Blaine doesn't regret giving up his virginity to the other person. But just maybe, _maybe_ they weren't meant for _forever_.

Blaine brings a bucket to the side of his bed with a glass of water and some aspirin, and snuggles down into the cold, comfortless sheets, and eventually drifts off to sleep.

On Monday Blaine feels a bit better than before, he's feeling a bit light, as if he's floating through the hallways again. But he's dressed once again in the usual, jeans slightly rolled up, a polo t-shirt, and of course a bowtie. He's feeling … normal, almost, and even though throughout the day he still doesn't have many people to talk to, and he still hasn't made up the courage to step foot in the choir room again, he's feeling better. Something about realizing that he and Kurt _weren't_ made for each other was making him feel a bit happier, and like he could move on.

But when he's shutting his locker door and sees Burt Hummel walking down the hallway, his eyes focused on Blaine's, Blaine almost has a heart attack right in front of the older man – and _how fucking ironic would that be_?

"Mr. Hummel… h-hi!" Blaine says quickly as the man finally approaches him, and then Blaine's palms are all sweaty and gross, and _please god just make Burt walk away now before Blaine actually dies_.

"Blaine," Burt says softly, "Blaine, I have Kurt's phone."

Blaine goes pale, and sucks in a breath, "I-I'm sorry?"

"When Kurt went to New York we got him a new phone with a better plan for school, and I got his old one, Blaine. I guess he didn't tell you because you guys had … broken up, but," _oh fucking shit_, Blaine feels like vomiting again. "I have his old one. You called me on Saturday night."

Blaine takes a step back, letting his bag drop to the floor, because this is so much worse than Kurt getting that phone message, because his _father_ got the message of Blaine being completely wasted, and telling Kurt he _still fucking loved him_. What the actual hell was Blaine thinking? Death, death with spikes would be real nice right about now.

"Hey, kid, just – calm down, okay? I'm not here to yell at you, though I do think it was real stupid of you to go out and do that. I'm not gonna tell your parents, I'm not here to get you in trouble," Burt says softly, taking a step towards Blaine, and putting his warm _fatherly_ hand on Blaine's shoulder, squeezing, "I'm making sure you're okay… Blaine."

Blaine swallows visibly, nodding, and closing his eyes. "I'm fine."

"Blaine," Burt says quietly, looking deep into the other boy's eyes, and taking a long sigh. "Blaine it's okay to not be okay."

And suddenly Blaine's gone, letting out a loud sob, and Burt is taking the smaller boy into his arms, and holding him against his chest and rocking him slowly. Burt was the only person_ the only person_ who had told him that. Blaine just thought he was supposed to act okay, that's how it was supposed to go. But no one had told him it was okay, and would hold him like this, Blaine hadn't had anyone to have hold him for months now, and to have someone hug him and hold him against their chest was so great, and perfect, and everything he needed, that he almost couldn't handle it.

But Burt's soft murmurs of "Shh, it's okay kid," and "You're gonna be okay, Blaine," and "This is completely normal, I promise you" were so comforting to Blaine. He thinks how weird it is, for a moment, to be crying into your ex-boyfriend's father's shoulder, but Burt was almost like the father he wished he had. The one who was supportive of his lifestyle, and the fact that he liked to sing and dance. His own always telling him about the girl's father's he works with that Blaine should meet, and how he should become a lawyer just like he is.

Blaine thinks that now, he'll be okay. He just needs to go back to Glee, he needs to stop focusing on it so much, he needs to just stop, because as much as Kurt was his everything last year, as much as he thought they were absolutely perfect for each other, Blaine needs to wake up and see that he's 17 years old, this is his _last year of high school_. He needs to get off his ass, and join glee club again, because that's what he _really_ likes to do. He needs to get to work on those applications to the colleges he wants to go, and yeah, eventually he'll be okay.

But he supposes that right now, he'll let himself cry.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: My Heart Told My Head (2/3)  
>Rating: PG-13<br>Word Count: 3, 582  
>Spoilers: Up to date.<br>Summary: Kurt was going to go to New York at some point, really, it was obvious. Blaine just didn't know he had to be alone for it to happen.  
>Authors Note: Thanks for all the reviews from the first chapter. :) I'm really glad you guys are liking it.<p>

* * *

><p>New York is really, <em>really<em> great. Even more great than Blaine would have pictured it would be. It's actually his first time being _in_ the city, and it's large, and Blaine is in the car that his parents bought him as a graduation present, that Blaine supposed was also a "glad you're finally going to be out of the house!" present as well. He has all his stuff crammed in the back, and he had hit the road early in the morning, and had blasted his iPod through the speakers the whole way, barely even stopping, because he _couldn't_ stop and he wouldn't stop until he was _in_ New York, and now that he was here, he doesn't know why he wasn't born he, or why he hadn't ran away years ago just so he could live here.

Blaine's senior year increasingly got better after his little run in with Burt, they had talked, and Blaine had apologized for the very embarrassing phone message, and Burt had insisted on taking him back to their house, but Blaine had said no, saying he just couldn't yet, and then left in his car. The next day, he went back to glee club, gaining surprised looks from the majority of the room who knew who he was. He was just in time for Sectionals, and they worked Blaine in quickly.

He was okay, just like Burt had said, maybe he wasn't exactly the same, but he was okay, and he ended up graduating near the top of his classes – Tina beat him. He got accepted at Julliard for music, and he was moving on quickly. He was okay, he was _perfectly_ okay, and he was happy, he would laugh. Was it weird to say that he loves to laugh? Everyone should love to laugh, it was fun, it made you _happy_.

Blaine really liked being happy.

The next day, Blaine goes into a coffee shop after waking up in his hotel, unable to load his stuff in until this day. It's a quiet coffee shop, with a few spare people chatting with friends, reading or typing away on a computer.

Blaine orders his medium drip, and pays the cashier, taking the cup from her and putting the lid on. He takes a sip, and sighs happily. _Score_, he thinks, as he turns around, nearly running into something, causing him to stumble back slightly, as a loud thunk as the man's books fall down onto the floor.

"Shit, I am _so_ sorry," Blaine says quickly, dropping down onto his knees and beginning to pick up the other man's books. The man isn't saying anything, though, and Blaine doesn't know if he's just shocked, or if he didn't hear Blaine, so Blaine looks up – and he realizes shocked would probably be his best guess in this situation.

"Blaine," Kurt breathes, and Blaine's heart immediately drops. He knew that Kurt would be in the city, he goes to NYADA for god's sake, but he didn't know he'd be running into him _this_ quickly, especially on his second day in New York.

Blaine looks down at the books he'd began to pick up, and just finishes the job, standing up and handing them over to Kurt, avoiding his hands so their fingertips couldn't touch, and then Blaine bends down to pick up his coffee. "It's nice to see you again, Kurt," he whispers, before walking quickly past the boy and walking straight out of the coffee shop, leaving a still stunned Kurt Hummel behind him.

* * *

><p>"I look up, and <em>there he is<em>," Blaine says, after he was in his dorm room, too stressed to be able to unpack anything. He's on the phone with Tina, who over his Senior year had became a good friend to him, willing to help him sort out his feelings with Kurt. Tina had turned into one of his best friends during his Senior year, and was so thankful to her for everything. After Blaine had ran into Kurt, Tina was the only person he knew to call. She was currently in California. She and Mike had both gotten accepted into UCLA, and they had rented an apartment together.

"Blaine, he lives in the same city, you applied there _knowing_ you would run into him at some point," Tina says, and Blaine can hear some sort of shuffling in the background, that Blaine can only guess is Tina unpacking.

"I know, I _know_, I just – I wasn't expecting him to be _there_," Blaine mumbles, crawling onto his unblanketed bed, and laying on his back. "I would have appreciated a sign to flash in front of my face saying something convenient like, 'Hey! Ex-boyfriend is standing right in front of you and he's as gorgeous as ever, prepare your heart!'"

Tina snorts. "Yes, because that would have happened."

"In my dream land it does," Blaine murmurs, his eyes falling shut. "Thanks for listening to me, Tina, but you're obviously unpacking and trying to spend time with Mike before school starts again, so I'll let you go.

"No, Blaine, it's fine, you know if you need someone to talk to you, you can talk to me. I promise, Blaine," Tina says sincerely, and Blaine can't help but smile.

"Trust me, I know, Tina, I'm just – you don't need to be worrying about me, and we both have unpacking to do. So, I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay, Blaine, talk to you later," Tina says with a small sigh.

"Bye," Blaine murmurs before ending the call and shutting off his phone, looking over at the pile of clothes and posters, and things he should _probably_ set up, because he's going to be having a roommate soon, and he was sure that the person would not appreciate having Blaine's shit laying around.

Blaine tries not to dwell on the fact that if Kurt hadn't broken up with him, he and Kurt could have probably been in the same situation as Mike and Tina. Laughing together, and setting up a kitchen, putting their music together, collaborating and becoming _one_. Living together, and laughing together, and sharing the same bed every night, and kisses first thing in the morning with morning breath, and coffee breath, and mid-day snoozing right before they have an afternoon class. Blaine picture it all too clearly, and that probably could be what hurts him most of all sometimes.

But he's fine, he's over Kurt, he's over the fact that it's done, and he's moving on. He just needs to stop thinking about the "what if's" and the "could have been's" and he would honestly be fine. Kurt wasn't _his_ one; he would find that person to become one being with one day, to put their CDs together, and to have a mid-day nap, and to cook them supper. Blaine would find that person, he was sure of it. He was _certain_ of it.

Blaine's roommate's name was Mark Thompson, he was a nice man – straight as a fucking stick, though, Blaine realizes as the boy talks on about his town life and his girlfriend, and about how he couldn't wait to get drunk. But he doesn't seem to be homophobic, which is another good thing, because when Blaine tells him "I sorta like dick," he just shrugs and says, "Hey, I guess that means I don't have to worry about you sleeping with my girlfriend, huh?" and Blaine can only just laugh, because, yeah, it's sorta true.

Mark leaves right after he's finished putting his clothes away in his drawer, saying that his girlfriend – her name was Julia – needed help loading in her mini fridge, and a few other things. Blaine waves it off, and goes to his laptop which is sitting nicely on top of his desk and signs on, bringing his legs up onto the chair.

He's on Facebook for a good five minutes, before he sees the little chat icon pop open, and his breath catches in his breath when he sees who it's from.

**Kurt Hummel: **So the first time you see me in a year, and you run away? :P

What the hell is he supposed to say? Honestly, this is Kurt, Kurt who has probably been on Facebook a thousand times before this, and this is how he decides to have a conversation with Blaine? Honestly, after a full year?

**Blaine Anderson: **I didn't run away  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong>: I was in a hurry, I had to get back to my dorm room.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong>: You go to NYADA?  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>Julliard.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong>: Oh. Good for you, Blaine. For getting in and all.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>Thank you.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong>: Anytime…

Blaine lets out a breath. Is it actually possible for a Facebook conversation to become this awkward? He doesn't know what to say to Kurt, he doesn't have a _fucking_ clue what to say. Which is really funny, because Blaine used to know exactly what to say to Kurt at all times, and they would have so much to talk about. You could go through this exact same chat history and see millions of conversations that they've had.

**Kurt Hummel: **Blaine?  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>ya?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>You don't hate me, do you?

Blaine bites down on his bottom lip. Does he hate Kurt? Does he hate him for completely dumping him out of nowhere two days before Kurt disappeared to New York? Blaine remembers wishing he did.

**Blaine Anderson:** No. I don't.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>You acted like you did.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>…when?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>First day of school for you… last year, choir room. You sort of screamed at me via skype.

Oh. Yeah… that.

**Blaine Anderson: **Oh yeah… that.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>Yes, that indeed.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>Maybe there was a bit of hatred mixed into that.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>So you did hate me?  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>I wished I could.

There's a pause, and Kurt doesn't answer for a while. Blaine begins to think that he had just left, forgotten about Blaine again and was picked up by the people of New York, leaving Blaine answerless now. Before Blaine's attention gets picked up by the Facebook chat sounds.

**Kurt Hummel: **Can you do me a favour, Blaine?  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>…depends.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>The next time you run into me at that coffee shop, don't run away. Sit down and have a coffee with me.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>…  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>That wasn't formed in a question.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel:<strong> Please, the next time you're in that coffee shop, PLEASE sit down and have a coffee with me?

Blaine's fingers type out "okay" before Blaine's brain can even catch up with him, and Blaine feels like hitting himself, because honestly? He doesn't even think he's okay with that, but apparently his body thinks he is. Now the next time he sees Kurt he's going to have to sit at a fucking table with him, and look him in the eye and drink a fucking coffee and have a stupid conversation with the boy he wishes he could hate.

He might have to start drinking the shitty Julliard cafeteria coffee now.

* * *

><p>The New Directions didn't make it to National's in Blaine's senior year. They were practically starting new again, Blaine, Tina and Artie were really the only ones from the previous year, and Tina and Artie were the only ones from the <em>very <em>beginning. They had a lot of amateur performers in the group, and they really just weren't good enough yet.

Honestly, Blaine was okay with it. He didn't need to go to Nationals to have an awesome Senior year, he just wanted to make sure he passed with good grades, good friends, and a good life, and he thinks he got all those things Tina was a great friend, and an awesome supporter. Artie was hilarious, not exactly a best friend, but a good guy to hang out with and play CoD with every once and a while whenever Blaine needed some guy-time.

But Blaine misses performing, honestly. Now that he's starting in a new place, he hasn't had a lot of time to really perform that much. Every once in a while in class, he'll sit down at a piano and show the class what he was talking about, but a lot of his classes were mostly music history, and theory, he didn't get a chance to really _sit_ down and perform. Plus, Mark hated it when Blaine would blast showtunes and dance around the room, especially when Julia was over.

He's getting restless. He wants to dance, he wants to fiddle around on a piano, and he wants to sing at the top of his lungs. Classes are great, the people are amazing, and he hasn't met one homophobe in his first month of a half in New York – because, honestly, he's at Julliard for music, 60% of the men here are already gay. But Blaine is so restless he can barely sleep at night, when he's coming up with dance moves, and mash-ups he wants to try, he misses the glee club, he misses the daily way of having theatrical release.

Blaine goes searching for a piano somewhere on the Julliard campus, because there has to be one _somewhere_, and when he finds one, it's amazing. The feel of the keys underneath his fingers again, and he just starts to play, play anything that he remembers, some things that he makes up.

Blaine ends up playing one song he hasn't played in a long, long time, and he sings it loudly, not caring if anyone could hear it anymore. It's a song he was afraid to sing months ago, but now he finds himself singing it an empty Juliard room on a piano.

When he's done, he silently packs up and wanders back towards his room, feeling a little bit light and sleepy, and he gets into his room and crashes on his bed, he can hear Mark's voice asking if everything was alright, but Blaine is just too emotionally drained now to be able to reply. He falls asleep curled up into his pillows.

_I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited. But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded, that for me, it isn't over._

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong>: You're definitely avoiding me, aren't you?

Blaine stared at his computer screen, he was trying to finish an essay, and he knows he should have turned off Facebook ages ago, but he had kept the internet browser up, and just forgot to close it about an hour ago. Kurt's IM shows up and Blaine lets out a breath. It had been about three weeks since he and Kurt's brief Facebook chat conversation, and Blaine _has_ been avoiding him – he's been drinking horrible coffee for three weeks now, and he thinks his tongue has turned stale.

**Blaine Anderson: **Honestly? Maybe a little bit.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>Ha, I knew it.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>Ha ha?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel:<strong> I'm not scary, Blaine, I promise you'll be able to return to your studies if you just get one simple cup of coffee with me.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>I'm not afraid you're going to KIDNAP me.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>….Then what are you so afraid of?

Blaine bites down on his lip.

**Blaine Anderson: **Seeing you.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>What, am I so ugly that you're afraid to look at me? :P  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>Shut up.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>That's not even a little bit funny.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>You're beautiful.

Good going, Anderson. Way to be the creepy ex-boyfriend. Congratulations, you get the idiot award of the year – of your whole entire life. Someone punch this guy in the face because he is _stupid_.

**Kurt Hummel: **You flatter me, Blaine.

A few minutes pass, Blaine's afraid to say anything.

**Kurt Hummel: **Thank you, though.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>Yeah.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>Please get coffee with me.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>Why do you want to get coffee with me so bad?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>Because. I just want to see you again, talk to you again. I miss talking to you, Blaine, I miss being your friend.

Wow. Okay. Blaine lets out a long breath. He glances up at Mark over on his side of the room, listening to music and obviously talking to Julia on skype because he has a stupid smile plastered on his face, and he's talking, but Blaine's not paying attention to what he's saying.

**Kurt Hummel: **You can talk to be about college, what you like, what you hate  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>Come on, Blaine.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>Pretty please? :3

Blaine sighs.

**Blaine Anderson: **Fine. Does tomorrow at noon work for you?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong>: That's absolutely perfect. I'll see you then.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>I suppose you will…

Blaine Anderson was _fucked_.

* * *

><p>The next day, at noon, Blaine goes to that coffee shop, the one with the amazing coffee that he actually really missed. He orders his drink and then goes to sit at a table, looking around the room for any sign of Kurt Hummel – because trust him, he'll most likely recognize Kurt Hummel very easily.<p>

After sitting there for a few moments, someone comes up behind him and taps him gently on the shoulder, he turns to see Kurt's face smiling at him, and Blaine sucks in a breath, giving Kurt a smile, and gesturing to sit down. Kurt's hair is coiffed like it always was, and he looks so much older than Blaine remembers him being – and sexier. He's wearing a nice sweater and a scarf, and he looks great, and Blaine probably looks like he hasn't slept in days.

"I was afraid you weren't going to show," Kurt says, chuckling to himself as he sits down and slips his bag off his shoulder. Kurt takes a sip from his own coffee cup, and they sit for a moment before Kurt says. "How are you?"

"Fine," Blaine says, almost too quickly, shifting in his seat, and giving Kurt a semi-fake smile. "How are you?"

"Just great," Kurt says, and Blaine isn't sure if he's being sarcastic or not, and it's putting him off edge. "Rachel and I are living together, and it's been a little nutty, her stuff is _everywhere_, and I can't get around. There's no organization, and her

Blaine snorts. "Sounds like Rachel," he says quietly, taking a sip from his coffee, looking for something to _do_ or to _say_, because he feels so awkward. "I drove down to Julliard at the beginning of the school year, set up my room and things, and settled in –"

"Wait," Kurt sat up in his chair, "Your parents didn't come with you?" Kurt whispers.

Blaine shrugs, "My Dad had a meeting and my mom had like three major surgeries that day, they couldn't get it off."

Kurt looks at Blaine, sighing, "That's ridiculous. They should have helped you, you're their child," Kurt whispers, taking another sip of his coffee. "You seriously don't care that your parents didn't help you move into college?"

"Can we not talk about this?" Blaine snaps, looking at Kurt. He sighs, he didn't mean to snap at Kurt, he came here telling himself he wasn't going to get upset. "Look, I just – I don't care, okay? I know that's a horrible thing to say, but them coming with me probably would have ended with an argument, so me moving in by myself was a nice change."

Kurt nods slowly, looking briefly at Blaine before taking another sip of his coffee. "Look, Blaine, I—the point of this meeting was to see you again, and … and _not_ to have you run away from me," Kurt says quietly. "I just – I was worried about you, okay? Last year, Tina told Rachel who told me you were having a bit of a hard time at first, and … I just wanted to make sure you were okay now. You're okay now, right?"

Blaine sighs, leaning back in the chair, and staring at his hands. He honestly doesn't know what to say, he doesn't want to say something stupid, it wouldn't help him in anyway. So he just nods.

"Yeah, I'm okay," he whispers, looking up to meet Kurt's eyes. "Are you okay?"

Kurt smiles, looking relieved, before nodding as well. "Yeah, I'm okay too," he says. "I want us to be friends, Blaine. If that's okay, I miss talking to you – you were a great friend, before you were a great—" Kurt cuts himself off for a moment, laughing softly, and closing his eyes. "You were a _great_ first boyfriend, and I honestly just miss talking to you, and being your friend. So, if you are willing, I was hoping we could … be friends again."

Blaine swallows. He's over Kurt, he really is. It's just the fact that he feels so lonely here in New York right now that makes him miss the companionship. Friendship, after all, isn't that much to ask. He was friends with Kurt, before they were dating. So it couldn't be that hard to just get back into a friendly routine, and having someone to talk to would be _so_ helpful, and just so much better than feeling pretty much alone most of the time.

"Yeah," he breathes, managing to smile at Kurt. "Yeah, yeah, I think I'd really like that."

Kurt smiles at him, and Blaine smiles back. Maybe being just friends wouldn't be so, so bad.


End file.
